Peanut Punch Flavoured Milk Drink

A couple of months ago we valiantly reviewed ‘Eggnog Flavoured Milk Drink ‘ for your reading pleasure. We discovered that despite the name, it was in fact an unholy faux-banana-bubblegum-squirty-cream flavour. Even with the ‘artificial cognac brandy’.

We promised to review it’s nutty sibling the ‘Peanut Punch Flavoured Milk Drink’ (just brimming with pithy product name zingers aren’t they?) and… here we are!

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Don’t say we never do anything for you.

     Drink: Serge Island Premium Peanut Punch 240ml

     Bought at: Tesco

     Price: 75p

     Available at: TescoAmazon

Initially the promise of a smooth… creamy…. cool…… buttery……… nutty experience fills me with eager anticipation. The unassuming carton calls to me. It sings sweetly. Drawing me to it with it’s siren song….

 

I remind myself that this shelf stable ‘flavoured milk drink’ was snatched off a dusty shelf from a forgotten corner of Tesco for 75p. Surely it can’t be a lot better than the last box of disappointment?

Let’s just get it open and have a swig.

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Stabbing your way in through a two dimensional peanut feels a bit OTT. Haven’t they suffered enough already?

There is 10% peanut butter, 9.1% peanut and a massive 25g of sugar in this little box. I am therefore expecting a huge, sweet peanut ice cream flavour as I take a gulp.

Hmmm.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

This is not what I expected.

The initial creaminess gives way to a raw, natural and unroasted peanut flavour. It’s a strange experience that is borderline cloying at first, and then a bit too woody and green tasting at the finish. It manages to miss the mark in opposite ways at the same time. Wow.

I am not quite sure if I am enjoying it or not, but I can’t stop drinking the stuff and marveling at the trip happening on my tongue. I offer Megan a go but I am not sure she is game.

Lottie: “Have another sip, it’s not too bad!”

Megan: “I will not.”

Is it delicious? No. But it is fascinating and worth a dabble if you are a foodie thrill seeker.

4/10

Oishi Crablets

Q: What’s snappy, crabby and can be lured from Scarborough Harbour with bacon bits?

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‘Hmmm… Lottie after a pasting at Pirate Adventure Mini Golf?’

Yes.

But also: crabs, which are what today’s snack adventure is alllllllll about.

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Crab shaped, crab flavoured, crab named and 1% crab powder. Crab level: MAX.

Snack: Oishi Crablets 40g

Bought At: Oriental Supermarket, Sheffield

Price: 95p

Available From: Amazon, Eastern Fortune, Fresh Oriental

These were an impulse buy at our local Asian supermarket. The bag looked really fun and, as you no doubt know by now, we are suckers for novelty. The packaging informs us that this snack is made in China and, like us, is ‘Ready to eat’.

We are hoping that these little crispy crustaceans live up to the super crabby flavour inferred by the bag. As such there is a danger that these are going to be a bit stinky when we crack ’em open.

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Tuck your trousers into your socks. The crablets cometh.

There is something almost intimidating by the huge number of tiny crunchy critters spilling from the bag. Perhaps it is the anatomical oversight of the crabby design (which has omitted a pair of legs), that makes it appear that the bag contains a deep fried pile of mites.

We gather up courage and take a sniff from the bag and find that the aroma is mild and a little like a batch of freshly fried prawn crackers. The crablets are not as big as we were expecting – we thought they would be Monster Munch like in size and texture but they are quite delicate and small.

Megan: ‘Can I make a diorama of crabs against a seascape?’

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Sure. You do you.

As for the flavour, it is pretty good! A light saltiness gives way to a creamy seafood flavour, ending on a very subtle crabby note. So subtle in fact, that if we weren’t reminded in every way that these are CRAB snacks made with CRAB, then we probably would have assumed they were prawn flavour. The taste is very reminiscent of those Nong Shim Shrimp Crackers that you see in Asian supermarkets. The texture is particularly good – the crablets are very light and almost melty like a Pom-bear.

Verdict: These are a really fun novelty snack with a good flavour, but could perhaps use a little more of the flavouring powder on them to stand out from the other crispy seafood snacks out there.

7/10

Crispy Moth Lentil Bhakarwadi Rolls

Moth. Lentil.

I don’t think I have ever seen these two words used in conjunction with each other before. One of these things I find alarming, unsettling and silently horrifying. The other is a nocturnal flying insect.

Lol just playing – lentils are inoffensive and the very culinary definition of bland. Moths are terrifying and I am the first to exit the room flailing at the sight of the flappy little villains. If you think that irrational, then you are lucky not to have had my mate Tina tell you her infamous horror story about the moth that popped in to say hello to her brother and ‘never left again’… Keep wondering. You do not want to know.

Anyway! Let’s have a gander at the snack:

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Despite a resemblance to Pedigree Chum Tasty Bites, these are in fact vegetarian.

     Snack: Kohinoor Bhakarwadi 200g

     Bought At: Tesco

     Price: £1.09

     Available from: Tesco and ASDA

The description on the back of the packet makes me love the people at Kohinoor:

‘Specially packed for the crunchy munchy time… treasure the solitary moments that you much deserve.’

Ahhhhh. In’t that nice?

Well this time I choose to share the crunchy munchy time with Megan, which is fortunate as this modest sized bag of snacks contains a whopping 1074 calories!

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Thankfully no moths were found within.

The aroma wafting from the bag is reminiscent of curry flavoured instant noodles with an extra fruity layer wafting over the top. The neat little rolls hold together well and look reassuringly like the picture on the packet. We take a bite:

Megan: ‘Ooh! Not what I expected. It’s sort of like a deep fried fig roll with extra spice.’

The flavour is mild, but far more complex than I expected – a salty buttery flavour gives way to a tangy fruit flavour with a warm, mild spice finish. The texture is great too – crisp and crumbly it disintegrates on your tongue and melts away like flaky pastry.

Very nice, but perhaps doesn’t have enough flavour to justify the enormous amount of calories contained within. They would make a really nice addition to a buffet alongside the usual savoury snackage, where they couldn’t be snarfed down in large quantities by just one person.

7/10

Pumpkin Spiced Latte Style Yogurt

As it’s February, you may believe that you have escaped the tyranny of the ubiquitous Pumpkin Spiced Latte for another year.

You are mistaken.

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NO ESCAPE.

Snack: Müller Corner Pumpkin Spiced Latte Yogurt

Bought at: Tesco

Price: 55p

Available From: Tesco, Sainsbury’s, ASDA and just about every other UK supermarket

Müller have put on their yoga pants and jumped on the pumpkin spiced latte bandwagon to Basictown Nomville in the hope of creating something innovative and, presumably, delicious.

We are sceptical that this melange of strong flavours is going to come together into something tasty. But of course there is only one way to know… Let’s crack her open!:

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We weren’t expecting the interior to be so… greige.

The pumpkin spiced bit looks uncannily like McDonald’s sweet & sour sauce. Now my instinct is to dunk chips in it. I am a monster.

After inspecting the sepia tinged innards, Megan declines to lick the lid of life.

Megan: I don’t want to risk catching bloaty head disease!

A valid concern. Those of us who have managed virtual hospitals are all too aware of the difficult process bloaty head sufferers have to withstand in the inflation clinic.

Brutal.

Given that I don’t know what pumpkin spice, or indeed pumpkin tastes of, I decide to taste the yogurt first. It’s rather delicious actually! I really enjoy the tangy, creamy yogurt against the mild coffee flavour. Megan on the other hand finds the tangy coffee a weird experience and does not enjoy it very much.

What of the pumpkin spice corner mix? No. Not really for me. The mix is mildly sweet but very cinnamon heavy and a bit overwhelming on the senses. It also has a jelly-like texture and has a spoon shaped dent in it where we scooped a bit out. Hmmm. I imagine though, that it is a pretty good approximation of the pumpkin spiced latte if that’s your cup of tea coffee. Megan however really likes the mysterious goop.

Megan: Can I just have this bit?

Yes. Yes you can Megan. We polish off the two sections separately #teamwork

In summary – an unusual combination that will probably delight pumpkin spice latte fans, but wont win any newcomers over to the flavour combo.

5/10

Chrysanthemum Tea

Wikipedia informs me that chrysanthemum tea has been enjoyed in mainland China since the 10th century and, according to traditional Chinese medicine, can be used to reduce fever, prevent sore throats and aid recovery from flu. A health beverage, steeped in history and enjoyed for over a millennium… Why has it taken Tesco so long to bring this wonder drink to the UK?

***Spoiler alert***  

That would be the flavour.

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‘Look like the innocent flower but be the beverage under’t.’  Macbeth: 2017 Edition Updated and Abridged.

     Drink: Vita Chrysanthemum Tea Drink 250ml

     Bought at: Sainsbury’s

     Price: 40p

     Available From: Sainsbury’sAmazon, Tesco, Wing Yip

Looking at the ingredients list, this should be pretty potent stuff. It is made up of 66% chrysanthemum extract and has 8.5g of sugar per 100ml which isn’t far off coca cola. We suppose it must be very sweet and very chrysanthemum-y (whatever that is like)?

The carton doesn’t say much else apart from reassuring us that it has an ‘authentic taste’ and to ‘CONSUME IMMEDIATELY AFTER OPENING’. So… chug it down in one just to be sure?

To be honest, I am not expecting to enjoy this drink as I

A) Do not like floral flavours.

B) Do not like very sweet drinks.

C) Can’t help but be reminded by the carton of that 1970’s M&S bed set everyone’s Nan has in the spare room.

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You know the one.

We rebelliously choose not to consume the drink IMMEDIATELY AFTER OPENING but instead tentatively insert the straw and have a sip…

Megan [Frowning]: It sort of tastes like a pillowcase too.

I didn’t realise I knew what a pillowcase tasted of, but gosh darn it Megan is 100% right. The flavour is intensely sweet for a fraction of a second before a huge tangy floral flavour comes and punches you in the face. The aftertaste is a bit bitter and I am left with an oddly dry sensation on my tongue. The whole experience is sort of like taking a shot of fabric softener, having a lick of a daffodil before biting down on a (very absorbent) pillow.

In conclusion: no. 

1/10

 

Jalapeño & Sour Cream Party Mix

It’s not all exotic cuisine from distant lands on OtBT. There are some little known UK produced snacks languishing unloved on our supermarket shelves that deserve our tangential snarking investigation too.

Today we have an offering from Golden Cross who produce an array of crispy things and an impressive assortment of imaginative sweets (gummy meerkats anyone?). Surely if anyone can make a delicious fried snack, the Scots can.

Megan [Scottishly, with side-eye]: ‘Stereotyping.’

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‘Made with the Finest Ingredients’. Avec le premiere en potato granules, dextrose and yeast extract powder *twirls chef moustache*

     Snack: Golden Cross Jalapeño and Sour Cream Party Mix 150g

     Bought At: Tesco

     Price: £1.00

     Available from: Tesco and ASDA

The packaging is delightfully retro. No foil wrapped for freshness rubbish, this is 100% plastic the old skool way complete with a ‘no, I assure you it’s food inside’ window. The name is also HYPE.

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‘Tonight I’ll bring you massive beats from Ludacrisp, Smokey Akon and Trifle 65. ARE YOU READY FOR PARTY MIX?’

From the flavour description, we are expecting a creamy flavour with a hint a vinegary spice from the jalapeño. We paid a quid for this 150g bag of snacks which is full price! Can something this cheap actually be any good? Let’s dive in…

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Fusilli, Penne,Wonky wheel and uh….. anemone?

They smell faintly sour creamy, with a hint of jalapeño. The flavour is mild but is in fact, exactly like sour cream and jalapeño despite there being no jalapeño whatsoever in the ingredients. Not bad!

The variety of textures in the different shapes add interest as we chomp on through the bag, but at the half way mark the mild flavour starts to wear a bit thin. We decide to try dipping the mix in a bit of Humpit hummus to liven things up (which btw is a place you should defo check out after a trip to that other place).

Party Mix + Hummus = Bloody amazing.

It’s like they were made for each other. NOMMMMM.

The verdict – An amazing value snack which on it’s own has a good flavour, but when paired with hummus is totally delicious. 

7/10

Extreme Heat Crunchy Fries

I mostly associate TGI Friday’s with feeling 100 years old as I mistakenly call it TFI Friday and am momentarily dragged back through time to an age where Adidas tracksuit bottoms were the height of fashion and people did the Macarena unironically. Well no more! TGI Friday’s now brings us a new, EXTREME snack that comes foil wrapped in a typographers waking nightmare:

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At least seven fonts going on here and not even an attempt at a ‘fry-day’ pun?  Call me.

Snack: TGI Friday’s ‘Extreme Heat’ Crunchy Fries

             Bought at: Tesco (in the American import section)

             Price: £1.00

             Available from: Tesco

First Impression: those fries look really, really red. ‘Allura Red’ E129 to be exact, according to the ingredients list. A lot of American crisp manufacturers seem to put a ton of this red colour on their salty snacks. Does it help you locate them in the desert or scare bears away or something? Because it seems a tad unnecessary.

We are assured by the gaudy bag that this snack will be a one way ticket to Flavourville but our instinct is that it’s all talk. Only one way to know!

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#Gotta get down on Fryyyyy-daaaay#

Well, thankfully they aren’t nearly as red as advertised. We take a big whiff of the open bag expecting an intense hot and sweet aroma akin to Chilli Heatwave Doritos or Flamin’ Hot Monster Munch but… nope. Smells very faintly of fried corn snacks. Perhaps the EXTREME flavour is locked within. We go in for a taste, braced for flavour impact…

 

Lottie: ‘AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH THAT BLOODY CANES!’

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The pain caused by inserting a papercut finger into the bag of salty, chilli infused fried corn knives is certainly EXTREME.

 

The taste however is pretty mild as expected -predominantly salty, with a subtle suggestion of cheese, followed by a medium heat from the chilli. They are essentially Ready Salted Chipsticks with a sprinkle of chilli powder. The heat is somewhere between Chilli Heatwave Doritos and Sriracha Sauce. EXTREME in flavour they are not.

Disappointing after the hype and not really worth the inflated import price.

4/10